How the Tinderswindler made me think of relationships and shame!

Published on 19 February 2022 at 21:31

Exactly a week ago I watched the Tinderswindler. And while watching it, I went through many emotions. The recurring feeling and words I screamed out at the television several times were:

"I would have NEVER done that!!"


Throughout the week I thought about the Netflix documentary several times and my mind made a connection.

A couple of years ago I had one recurring feeling that I walked around with in secret. I was telling myself:

 "I will NEVER be chosen by someone"


The reality was that I never had been. I did go on a couple of dates over the years. But nothing ever came out of them. And truth be told, it made me feel like such a loser. I carried the shame of being the forever single friend around and to me it was like a heavy turtle on my back.


It felt like the majority of my friends, family and literally everyone I vaguely met was either getting into a (second or third) relationship (LIKE HOW?) They were getting engaged, married, buying houses, naming newborn children etc. etc.


They were popping out the snow like daisies!>> It’s A Mulan reference. I just had to!


The world around me was living big-grownup-lives with people who loved and chose them, while I was eating chips for dinner on the couch by myself and had nobody to put down as an emergency contact on my forms.


The more people around "accomplished" in their amazing  lives, the more I told myself: "Nobody every chooses you".


There is something interesting about words and our brain. If you repeat sentences and convictions enough to yourself, even though they are false and extremely flawed, the words take up space in your brain and start feeling like truths.


This toxic, overwhelming, false conviction that I was carrying around with me, made me feel so unworthy. I walked around with this belief that the world would see my worth once I was picked by someone.


Because if nobody ever chooses you, there must be something really really wrong with you, right?

I mean there might be. You might be one of those people that puts toilet paper up the wrong way. But real talk.. There probably isn't anything wrong with you. Especially, not based on your relationship status.

Whether you've been married for decades or a couple of years. Just got divorced or are single.


You are enough.


Our relationship status does not give or take away value to who we are as people. No matter what people out there say.

You are cherished and important at any stage of your life.


If you're hoping for a status change in your future, I am crossing my fingers that whatever you are looking and waiting for, will show up for you. Because you deserve healthy, supportive and silly love. We all do.


Until it arrives, (cause it will.) You choose you! Every single day. And that is enough!


Did you like my blog? Please let me  know and leave a comment below. Also share it with others (on social media)!

Do not forget to share your own turtle HERE!

Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash

Add comment


There are no comments yet.